I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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