i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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