in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
