I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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