I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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