I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
