I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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