so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
