i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
