I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
