oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
