Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
