Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
