I'm going to jail i love you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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