We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
