Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
