I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
