She said her name was "party"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
