Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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