Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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