My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
