I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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