Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
