this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
