i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
