Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
