i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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