i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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