I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
