like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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