Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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