my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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