is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
