How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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