i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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