O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
