I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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