I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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