So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
