No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
