just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
