But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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