he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
