Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
