He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
