If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
