i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
