So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my vagina is haunted
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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