Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
