Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
