My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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