The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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