dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
