Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
