So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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