I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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