i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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