i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
