pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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