I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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