I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
