At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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