Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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