Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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