I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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